This Messy Life— Navigating Sharing Kids, Divorce, Dating, and Blending Families

  There are days where the grief envelops me whole. Where tears run and I know it’s best not to stop them. That my grief is as valid and real as anyone else’s.  My sweet baby girl turns 8 tomorrow. This will be the first time in her life where she won’t wake up with her Mama by her side. And I know fully, that this is far harder for me than it is for her. She will still wake happy and giddy knowing it’s her day. She will still wake surrounded by the love of her father, brother and sister. And for that I am so eternally grateful. 8 years ago we were out running errands. Me with my huge belly, terribly swollen legs, hands and feet and rising lab levels that indicated I needed my sweet girl out. We were scheduled for the 31st. And unexpectedly the phone rang. It was my doctor asking if we’d be okay to come in tomorrow instead. My heart leapt out of my chest. YES! I replied. Knowing that meant I’d get to meet my baby girl that much sooner. She was born at 740 am the next morning a...

  Writing is cathartic for me. When I feel in times of turmoil or stress, I turn to paper (or the keyboard). I had a really lovely morning with coffee in bed and a new meditation that really spoke to me. I felt intense calm and peace. And then I got news of an acquaintance that has endured a child loss this last week. After the initial gasp, my heart felt heavy and surrounded with grief. Even the thought of it, felt too heavy for me to carry. So me writing this morning, it's about me processing and trying to let it pass through me and not get stuck.  One thing my therapist and I worked on this last week is allowing all feelings (joy, fear, anxiety, grief) to pass through me and to work on not holding onto the negative feelings. For me, I feel a juxtaposition (as my lovely friend Jess reminded me of this week) between allowing there to be "collective grief" where we all grieve with and for our beautiful friend, and the idea that "you can't borrow trouble" mea...