Writing Catharsis — Healing my Pain

 

Writing is cathartic for me. When I feel in times of turmoil or stress, I turn to paper (or the keyboard). I had a really lovely morning with coffee in bed and a new meditation that really spoke to me. I felt intense calm and peace. And then I got news of an acquaintance that has endured a child loss this last week. After the initial gasp, my heart felt heavy and surrounded with grief. Even the thought of it, felt too heavy for me to carry. So me writing this morning, it's about me processing and trying to let it pass through me and not get stuck. 

One thing my therapist and I worked on this last week is allowing all feelings (joy, fear, anxiety, grief) to pass through me and to work on not holding onto the negative feelings. For me, I feel a juxtaposition (as my lovely friend Jess reminded me of this week) between allowing there to be "collective grief" where we all grieve with and for our beautiful friend, and the idea that "you can't borrow trouble" meaning I cannot take on her grief as my own. 

I have had a lot of trauma, grief, pain and anxiety in the last two years. So my body has become this fortress where on the outside it appears strong and un-penetrable, but really what has happened is that I have allowed all of these things to enter and then they cannot get out. So I am working on releasing. Pain. Anxiety. Fear. Grief. Acknowledging these feelings but letting them pass through. 

There will always be pain and grief and trauma in this world. And often, we have no idea why these things happen. But what I am trying to remind myself is this: I can feel pain for this beautiful Mama. I can send her love and prayers and strength during what I imagine is and what will continue to be the hardest time of her life. But I cannot change her pain, by enduring a portion of it myself. Me feeling pain, does not take any of hers away. 

So this morning I am sending love, strength and all of my prayers from the Universe to surround this Mama. I am praying that amidst the most awful of times, there is light. 

I am allowing this awful tragedy to fuel me to find beauty in every minute interaction. To see light peeking through every cloudy day. To feel love and peace and happiness. To find joy. 💕

If you've read this far, thank you for listening. I hope you find peace, love and joy today. <3