This Messy Life— Navigating Sharing Kids, Divorce, Dating, and Blending Families

I have the utmost blessing of having not just one daughter, but two soon to be bonus daughters that I get to help raise. Though it is always a blessing, there is a constant worry or obligation to make sure I am doing well by them. With my post yesterday, and acknowledgement that I do want to be lean, and strong, how do I instill healthy living values into my daughters without simultaneously making them feel that their value is somehow connected to their weight? The answer: I’m really not sure. I am doing my best all the while knowing that I may be screwing up. Our 3 girls are shaped very differently from one another. They range in weight and size and each is so very perfect in their body. I often wonder how I got so obsessed with my body when truly no one ever told me I was fat. I wasn’t fat. As a kid I was round. Round little cheeks, a round little tummy, solid and muscular little legs. I looked different than my sister, who happened to be more lean, and I think that may have been whe...

  I remember the morning I first posted on Facebook about my binging so clearly. My heart was racing as I drove to work at 530am. My secret was out. I knew by the time I got to work, inevitably there would be comments on my post from my friends and followers back east and the thought made me want to vomit.  Disordered eating, binging, anorexia, orthorexia, bulimia, body image dysmorphia: None of these are things we want to talk about, or associate ourselves with. But I have suffered with all of them. I wouldn’t say I have an eating disorder anymore, but I would say I still really struggle with disordered eating.  What does that even mean? For me it means that when people say we should all just intuitively eat, I laugh. What is that? How in the WORLD would I ever intuitively know when, what or how much to eat? Just by listening to my body? Nope. Not this body. I started betraying her nearly 29 years ago. And now I am going to expect her to TELL ME when she’s hungry and WHA...

  Day 100 of being alcohol free (Tuesday) ended with an amazing walk and the best sunset. . Why’d you stop drinking for 100 days, you ask? Mostly I wanted to see if I could! I also researched and found out some things about alcohol I wasn’t crazy about. I still LOVE wine, but I acknowledged that it’s toxic, and I wanted to have it be more celebratory and less habit. Another thing I wanted to change is I didn’t want to normalize drinking for my kids. • What I found out. 1. It was easier than I thought. 2. Camping and traveling were hard and times that I really wanted wine or to join in the social aspect of drinking. 3. I’m determined as hell when I put my mind to something and I love using a counter (like shown in 3rd slide) to track behaviors! 4. My kids NOTICED after I told them what I was up to, and Hadley was so proud of me! She was trying to get me to have wine last night to celebrate my accomplishment 🤣 (I didn’t, but plan to this weekend) • Have you ever taken a break from s...

It’s never what you want. Or how you picture your life. At least, I certainly didn’t. But I got to a point where I knew I was betraying myself by staying in a marriage that was really bad for me. It’s no one’s fault. People grow and change. I wanted so badly to keep my family together—I tried everything I could think of.  • In the end, it just wasn’t meant to be. I was incredibly unhappy and it showed in all areas of my life. • Today marks two years to the day that I was officially divorced. 2.5 since we separated. As hard and gut wrenching as it has been at times, I’ve finally found myself. I was always there, but I was drowning in everyone’s expectations and beliefs about me. Now, I live better and happier. I am present and right h.e.r.e because I choose to be, not because I’m being forced, guilted or shamed into it.  • Divorce isn’t something you’re supposed to show off, or brag about. But as one of the biggest hurdles I’ve faced in my life, I am overcome with relief and jo...

h.a.p.p.y • It’s changed from season to season. Life ultimately throws us lemons, and it’s up to us what we do, how we take it. • Life sure has had its ups and downs the last several years. I’ve had to learn to hold both intense joy A.N.D profound grief. I’ve learned I can hold both of these. And I can choose which one to allow to move through me, and which to grasp onto…to hold tight. • For today. I choose joy. Thankful for this huge little guy who shows me such unconditional love. I am grateful. 💕

“The best days of your life cannot happen without you there. Live with presence. Live intentionally.” Yung Pueblo @yung_pueblo  • It’s been a really long time since I’ve shared about my romantic private life. Not only has life thrown me many a curve balls, but it’s also been something I’ve wanted to keep for just me.  • But today, he is the man I want to share. The man who over the last few years has become my very best friend. My closest confidant. The person who knows me best. Knows all of my secrets, and all of my shame, and loves me not despite those things, but because of them.  • I’ve never known love like this. And I’m not sure I’d ever find it again. But he’s my person and I’m so damn lucky that we found our way back to one another.  • These days I live with presence and purpose. I know what it’s like to live outside of yourself, escaping, wanting to be somewhere else. And I refuse to ever do that again. Life is tooooo good for that. Andy and my kiddos are wa...