How Did I Decide There Was Value in My Weight?

I have the utmost blessing of having not just one daughter, but two soon to be bonus daughters that I get to help raise. Though it is always a blessing, there is a constant worry or obligation to make sure I am doing well by them.

With my post yesterday, and acknowledgement that I do want to be lean, and strong, how do I instill healthy living values into my daughters without simultaneously making them feel that their value is somehow connected to their weight? The answer: I’m really not sure. I am doing my best all the while knowing that I may be screwing up.

Our 3 girls are shaped very differently from one another. They range in weight and size and each is so very perfect in their body. I often wonder how I got so obsessed with my body when truly no one ever told me I was fat. I wasn’t fat. As a kid I was round. Round little cheeks, a round little tummy, solid and muscular little legs. I looked different than my sister, who happened to be more lean, and I think that may have been where I started drawing some conclusions. Because it was common for us to be compared. Not in a mean way, but just in an observation way. 

When I started dancing at a young age, I began to get complimented for being thin. I think this is a REALLY common thing adults say to children that they don’t realize is SUPER damaging. We believe that because we are giving a compliment, we are being kind. But what we don’t realize is that we are attaching our child’s weight a level of worth. You are worthy of a compliment when you are thin (and then you may deduce that you will lose value if you are not). I think that’s where things got tricky for me. 

I realized that to be thin was to be worthy. When I turned 12 and began to develop the tinies little breasts, and small rounded “love handles” to go with it, I began the knowing that my value was decreasing. No one told me it was. But people commented less that I was thin. And so it began. I became a vegetarian, I reported that dairy was bothering me again and I’d have to ditch it. I started restricting to meet a standard I thought I had to uphold. 

Looking back, I was so cute. I mean, I had that ridiculously awkward stage of puberty where I had braces, my hair started to curl (another phenomenon no one told me about), and I looked awkward. But really, I was just a really cute and awkward teen. I’ll never forget a boy I had a crush on, Elliott, saying he wanted to flip me over and use me as a mop (hence the awkwardly curly bob hair). I was crushed. And I had no control over that. What I could control? My food. And I did. 

What do you guys think? How do we teach our daughters (and sons) to not give value to their weight? How do we teach them to love their body AND take care of it properly (good nutrition, exercise, foods that make your body feel good (vs your emotions))?