Birthdays without Mama.

 

There are days where the grief envelops me whole. Where tears run and I know it’s best not to stop them. That my grief is as valid and real as anyone else’s. 

My sweet baby girl turns 8 tomorrow. This will be the first time in her life where she won’t wake up with her Mama by her side. And I know fully, that this is far harder for me than it is for her. She will still wake happy and giddy knowing it’s her day. She will still wake surrounded by the love of her father, brother and sister. And for that I am so eternally grateful.

8 years ago we were out running errands. Me with my huge belly, terribly swollen legs, hands and feet and rising lab levels that indicated I needed my sweet girl out. We were scheduled for the 31st. And unexpectedly the phone rang. It was my doctor asking if we’d be okay to come in tomorrow instead. My heart leapt out of my chest. YES! I replied. Knowing that meant I’d get to meet my baby girl that much sooner.

She was born at 740 am the next morning and my life has been forever changed. 

You my sweet girl—YOU will move mountains.

I hope you always know how much you matter. I hope you always choose to be happy, to make happy, to live happy. And I hope you always know just how worth it you are. 

You are a shining light in a sometimes dismal world. Please don’t ever let anyone dull your soul. It’s rare and special and just what the world needs more of.

I love you so much Hadley Ann. You’ll forever be my little peanut, no matter your age. I love you with every bit of my soul and heart. You are my sunshine my sweet girl. ☀️