Don’t be Afraid of Losing Big

When we speak of not losing ourselves, what does that mean?

For me, it means holding fast to what I know to be true and real. It means finding love and light in all situations. 

It means knowing that at times my actions, and staying true to myself, will hurt others.

It means knowing that not only am I deserving of love and admiration from myself but that I am deserving of that from others as well. And knowing that if I don’t receive that, it’s ok to let those people go. That it isn’t a failure but choice. And another way to hold fast to myself.

It means accepting that not all people will agree with me, or like my choices. But that I have the freedom, right and obligation because I am the ONLY expert in making those choices for myself.

These last few weeks have been really hard for me. It’s been hard to show up on social media. It’s been hard to put a smile on my face when I have felt at times like my little world felt so out of control. Between school, and work, and relationships, I felt overwhelmed at best, defeated at my lowest. 

Here are the things I know.

I am a smart, kind, loving woman who has made mistakes just like the rest of the human race. I am imperfect and I’m hard on myself daily for this. 

I’m a really good mom. I have not done everything right—in fact I’ve made many mistakes along the way, but my love and my desire to do better has been steadfast. 

 I will fight to protect my children until my dying day. I will never accept that I can’t make their situation or experience better and I will try forever.

I will love myself first. And I will always choose me and trust myself—even in those moments where I don’t trust myself at all. And in doing so I understand that I am showing my children that I am deserving of love and a beautiful life and that they are too. I will lead by example. 

I will love fiercely and with all of my heart. And I will not be afraid of losing big.

I will take deep breaths when things feel too much. And I will slow down when it all feels like it’s going too fast. I will give myself grace. Lots of it. I will trust in the Universe.✨