Living in Fear — I am done.

 

I tire of living in fear.

I vacillate between feeling strong, independent and brave af, and feeling small and scared and afraid to be heard. 

It’s something I have always dealt with but it’s for sure been worse since my divorce. I knew going through such a big life choice rather publicly (on social media) that I would attract and have more haters (or at least be more aware of the haters), but I figured eventually it would really fizzle out.

The truth is, there are always gonna be people who don’t like me or don’t believe what I have to say. There will always be people who don’t believe in me or who want to make me feel less than or small. But for every one person who doesn’t like me or support me, there are so many more who do. 

And I guess the thing that’s taken me the LONGEST to learn, and something I still have to practice consciously every day, is that my opinion of myself matters most. My opinion of my decisions matters most. And once I feel that, all the haters and nay-sayers, once I’m strong in my conviction and truth, they can just be white noise and not the stuff that draws my attention. 

I’ve lived quietly this last month. Afraid to complain, afraid to be happy that I have a job, afraid to admit hating home schooling, afraid to be raw and honest about my struggles.

But like I said, I’m tired of it. I wanna be real and authentic and true.

So here’s step 1 😉

Edited to add: These are my words. You do not have a right to copy and paste them to your wall as your own. (Sorry to have to add this but I just found my exact words on someone else’s page 😭)