New Year’s Eve 2019

 

My 40th New Year’s Eve.

No make up.

Exhausted from a hard day at work.

Age spots.

Dark circles.

No kids (tonight).

This is me.

Naked. (And afraid 🤣)

Jk.

But really.

This year has been about being totally raw, exposed, vulnerable and new.

This year has been about me fumbling my way through very uncharted territory. About me making tons of mistakes but also about me making some really good choices.

I left my husband of 7 years.

I lived on my own for the first time in nearly 15 years.

I bought my very own house.

I realized I could do it on my own.

I met and fell in love with the most amazing man. I listened to the Universe. And I realized it had been listening all along. 

I lost.

A lot.

More than I can even put into words some days (most days 🤷🏼‍♀️).

But I also gained.

Faith in myself.

Faith in the universe.

Faith in myself as a mother (and days where I feel I’m doing everything wrong). 

This last year.

I suppose I’ve never had one so full of events. 

But I’ve also never had one so full of love.

Change is really friggen hard. And scary and overwhelming at times. But I’m not sure I always give myself enough credit. Because I know I’m finally living for me. For my kids too. But knowing that I cannot be the best mom for them unless I make space for me too.

I spent so many years of my life trying to please everyone else. I got kinda lost in the shuffle.

2020 is about us. Me and my kids (and my most amazing Bf too 🥰). And anyone else who wants to live with love. To have positivity and spirit and to know that we only have this one life.

Go out and get it you guys.

Don’t let fear hold you back. 

Sending love out to all of you tonight. Happy New Year!